


Physical Pain vs Emotional Pain

by RedXD



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bdubs needs a hug, Car Accidents, Doc gives that hug, Fluff, Hugs, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Bullying, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Character Death, Platonic Soulmates, Prosthetics, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedXD/pseuds/RedXD
Summary: For Doc, soulmates have brought him physical pain.For Bdubs, soulmates have brought him emotional pain.They both just need to sort it out together.
Relationships: BdoubleO100/Docm77, Doc/BDubs, Docm77 & Bdoubleo100, Docm77/BdoubleO100, Keralis & Xisumavoid
Comments: 13
Kudos: 201





	Physical Pain vs Emotional Pain

**Author's Note:**

> so im now the bdoc dealer apparently
> 
> come get ur bdoc children

Doc has a tough relationship with soulmates.

When he was a child, his mother sat him down and spoke to him about the ever growing idea of _‘soulmates.’_

Everyone is assigned a soulmate by the universe and at the age of six years old, the first words you hear from your soulmate appear on some part of your body. It’s most common to appear on your wrist, but it can appear anywhere. How when you meet your soulmate and you make skin contact for the first time, the marks fade away. How sometimes they fade away for other reasons.

His mother explained that soulmates aren’t your future partners or best friends, it’s simply the person that your soul is connected to and soulmates have a bond unlike any ordinary bond. She explained that some people never meet their soulmate, or they are only friends with their soulmate. Some people marry their soulmate.

Then she explained that in some circumstances soulmates can marry, but eventually divorce and find new partners as is what happened with her and his dad.

At the age of five, he didn’t understand much. He just knew that in a year he’d have words on him and they’d be someone else’s future words.

  
No surprise, a year later he woke up to the words, ‘Excuse me, coming through’ written on his arm in messy letters.

He wasn’t an avid reader, but his mother looked at the words with a smile and assured him that soon he’d be a better reader and he’d understand what the words on his arm said and meant.

So every night he’d go to bed and await that day.

But it didn’t come fast enough.

Only a month after he turned seven, he and his mother were driving down a road towards his mother’s parents house in the next town over.

They were going the speed limit, at least that’s what he remembers… what everyone says.

The car was red, he remembers that much. It was big and massive compared to their small and cheap car. It was icy and cold, a few weeks before the winter holidays would arrive. The roads was a popsicle and the car was a drop of water dripping down the side.

Red swirled as the truck spun over and over, crashing into a stop sign. It drove straight through the metal sign, not stopping in the slightest. The truck headbutted their tiny cheap car with a loud ‘SCREECH’ and the two cars went tumbling down the side of the road. Doc remembers seeing bright red before darkness.

He woke up in the hospital three months later.

White walls and strangers surrounded him. He couldn’t remember multiple things, his last memories were ones from weeks before the accident.

When he looked at himself, there were multiple changes. He had a metal arm, eye, and there was a long scar above his heart.

The doctors told him that he had been lucky to survive the crash. That him being alive is a miracle. They had to amputate his arm and get him a new eye too. He had to have a heart transplant on top of all that. But he was going to survive.

His father had approved all the surgeries and visited him frequently.

While his mom…

They held the funeral close to the hospital. Doctors came so they could take care of Doc, him not having fully recovered yet.

No one spoke.

Doc remembers giving his father the silent treatment specifically, because he invited his new girlfriend to the funeral. He and Mom had only met the woman _once._ And she was standing there, black dress _,_ pretending to mourn someone she didn’t know.

Nearly eight years old and Doc had experienced the worst injuries and pains someone could imagine. His body was cut and torn, replaced with false replicas. His mind was a rotting mess of burning blood lust for everything in the world. He wanted to rip apart every red truck. He still does.

The nurses and doctors pitied him. The poor child who lost both his mother and his soulwords. ‘How’d he ever meet his soulmate now?’ They whispered to each other.

But the second his limbs tore and his heart collided with thousands of sharp glass shards and metal, was the same second that he stopped caring about soulmates.

Soulmates are shoved upon the world as the ‘most important thing’ yet soulmates don’t matter in reality. They’re gifts, not necessities. Soulmates don’t stop car crashes or hurricanes.

They only stop naive loners from living the harsh, empty reality.

When he finally got released from the hospital, he had a relatively good grip on his prosthetics.

He spent time with himself, being home schooled by his father’s neighbor. He learned the basics and the things he had to. But his father’s neighbor, Cub, knew all sorts of things about machines and how they worked. Doc would spend his mornings, learning to take apart and rebuild all sorts of things in Cub’s house. By the time he was 13, he had basically torn apart and rebuilt every bit of machinery and appliances in Cub’s entire house, not to mention a good plenty of the appliances in his father’s house.

It was all ruined when his father decided to marry his girlfriend. They’d be moving from Germany to America, a permanent change. Doc, fully recovered, would be forced to go to public school.

Sure enough, a year later, after months of packing and house hunting, they finally moved to America and settled into their new home. With a third member.

Doc, 14 at the time, had only a single month to get comfortable before being shoved into his new school.

People questioned his prosthetics, people thought he was disabled, people thought he had super powers. There were all sorts of different reactions he received.

The most common?

A single question.

“Did you lose your soulwords?”

Aggravating.

The stupid existence of soulmarks and soulwords irritated him to no end.

It was the start of sophomore year when he received a reaction he’d never had before.

“Nice eye. It’s like a futuristic version of mine.”

Doc hadn’t heard something like that before. The person in question was a boy named Etho. He had hetero-chromatic eyes, the left one red just like Doc’s.

The two got along well.

They both weren’t soulmate extremists like the rest of society. Doc for his many opinions, Etho due to his soulmate words having faded early on into a gray heart. A permanent gray heart that meant his soulmate is dead.

Etho loved machinery and science similarly to Doc. They both hung around each other, best friends against the frustrating world.

And now he and Etho walk to their shared 7th period of Junior year, Health. The class will doubtlessly have conversations about soulmates, so Doc looks forward to it just as much as he looks forward to his own demise.

Not at all.

He’s lucky to have Etho with him though, so he knows the class at least won’t be completely boring.

The pair turn the corner and Doc feels someone collide against his side slightly. He glances down and sees a shorter teen rushing past him.

The male mutters, “Excuse me, coming through!” before speeding down the hall.

Doc just huffs and doesn’t pay it much mind.

They both enter the classroom and read the board. With permission to take whatever seat, they both stagger to the back of the classroom. They sit down in the farthest seats, backpacks thudding against the floor as they both settle in.

Ringing echoes through the room and outside halls as the bell rings.

The teacher goes through the syllabus and roll call, explaining things about the semester. About five minutes till the end of the period, the teacher asks for questions.

“Yes?”

A boy with a gray cap lowers his hand, “Keralis. Are we going to be talking about soulmates at all?”

Before the teacher has the chance to respond, another student comments, “Of course we will. Soulmates are a constant of life.”

_That statement is wrong in so many ways._

He tries to resist the urge to argue, but it’s useless and he opens his mouth.

Doc states his opinion clearly.

And the moment he does, he doesn’t notice a boy near the front flinch.

—

Bdubs has a poignant relationship with soulmates.

As a child, his parents told him everything he needed to know about soulmates. He was excited and filled with anticipation the weeks before his sixth birthday.

His first morning as a six year old, he woke up and looked at his arm. Nothing. He looked everywhere, but couldn’t see anything.

After searching for over ten minutes, his mom came into his room and her eyes widened with horror.

She led him into the living room where he was showcased to his dad. Both his parents frantically whispered to each other, while he stood there confused. His mother started sobbing, his dad hugging her tightly and running a hand through her hair.

Bdubs didn’t understand any of it.

All he knew is that they wouldn’t let him look in a mirror.

Six years old.

That was when it started.

Everyday he’d wake up with a headband or hat on the end of his bed for him to wear. His parent’s whispers became constant. His mom always looked him over before he left the house, moving his headband or hat slightly and folding his hair onto his face.

A feeling built up inside him. One louder than music bleeding from speakers.

He did well on a reading test one day, he was seven at the time. His parents were occupied, so he sneaked into the bathroom and took down a few of the papers covering the mirror, so he could see. He shrugged off his hat and for the first time in his life:

Bdubs read his soulmark.

Scrawny and thin lines created a sentence across his forehead. The gut punch was slow, a poison that would only grow over time.

The words weren’t good. They weren’t perfect. His parents had told him of their soulwords.

“You’re beautiful.”

And,

“May I help you?”

They had met at the office building they both worked at. It was cute and romantic and they loved each other.

His mark though… The words weren’t cute, or romantic, or lovely. They were simply words.

As a naive child, he didn’t understand the words very well at first. He just knew they were bad. His parents didn’t like them.

However, he didn’t want to hide himself.

Everyday, he’d get to school and the second his parents were gone, he’d take off his hat or headband and hide it in his small creeper backpack. But as he and his fellow classmates grew and grew with each passing day…

People started to treat him differently.

It started with small jokes about how he had his soulmark on his forehead. Simply little teases like “Oh hey Bdubs you have a target on your forehead!” Or “Bdubs just likes to look in the mirror.”

Then the teases grew.

In fifth grade, three specific kids found his soulmark hilarious. They said that his soulmate would hate him. When the adults were distracted, they’d make faces at him. At recess, they’d all gather around him and show him their lovely and _normal_ soulmarks. Regular sentences of sorts on their arms or legs.

Soulmarks being on your face is more uncommon than any other area of the body.

With each passing day, he started to realize more and more what his soulmark meant. What the universe was trying to tell him.

He didn’t matter. His soulmate didn’t want him and they hadn’t even met.

Ten years old and he had no sense of self worth.

His parents didn’t help the matter. With their constant whispering and looks of pity. Whenever they had friends over and the person would ask about his soulmark, they’d say it’s nothing special and quickly change the topic.

Bdubs had parents ashamed of him just because of what was inked out on his skin.

The cruel reality didn’t _truly_ hit him up until the last day of fifth grade.

Yearbooks.

The teacher made everyone go around and sign or doodle something in each person’s yearbook. So the class got up and moved around, the teacher distracted by the students wanting her to sign their yearbook.

Despite not having many friends, Bdubs was excited and went around, giving every person their own heartfelt compliment. There were snickers and laughter occasionally, but he didn’t pay it mind.

But when they all returned to their own yearbooks, he took one look at his and wanted to disappear.

‘Soulless’ ‘Your soulmate hates you’ ‘Forehead!’ and many other various similar things were written. Misspellings were in almost all of them, but to him… a pained child… it didn’t matter. There wasn’t just writing, there was also assortments of frowny faces and bad drawings of him with a massive forehead.

He went home and headed straight to his room.

Someone could fill a river full of the tears he shed that night. He was forever cursed by someone else’s words. Someone cruel and mean, who had no right to put him through that much misery.

Starting sixth grade, he stopped taking off his hats and headbands. He covered his forehead everyday. But it didn’t matter.

Everyone from his elementary school knew. And soon many more people in his new school knew too. Ridicule against him remained, whether his forehead was hidden or not.

Bdubs started to return with soaked hats and broken expressions. His parents didn’t care. They just wanted him to be hidden enough so that the embarrassment of a soulmark wasn’t seen by their friends of high status.

Self worth at an all time low, Bdubs let the ridicule come. He had given up fighting against it by then.

Except that not everyone had given up.

He met Keralis in seventh grade.

Keralis defended him, even giving him a red headband that Bdubs looked at with bliss. He used it to cover his mark and also to remind him that he had a friend.

Both of them stuck together like glue, Bdubs finally having a true person in his life to distract him from the internal self hatred that brewed darker than any form of black coffee.

The two were able to understand each other despite being different. Bdubs, had no connection but hatred with his soulmate. Keralis already knew his soulmate, a boy named Xisuma that he talked with online. The two both had each other’s names in their first words to each other and despite not having met in real life yet, the two were sure of it. They weren’t romantic soulmates, merely platonic, but Bdubs was still jealous.

Every time he’d be with Keralis, the other’s phone would ding with a notification. A reminder to Bdubs how he has a soulmate who hates him, but Keralis gets to be friends with his soulmate.

Self worth has never been so unimportant.

Now though, Bdubs only cares about getting to class on time. Keralis is already there, while Bdubs had gotten distracted putting up posters for the student council campaign. He’s helping his neighbor Scar with posters, glad to know someone kind enough to treat him like a human being.

He rushes through the hall, bumping into an utter _giant_ on his way. He gives a random apology and excuse, going inside the classroom and sitting in the front beside Keralis. He’d sit in the back or middle usually, but there’s no way he’s going to sit away from his friend and emotional support.

The class is relatively decent so far, no one is staring at him for very long and he only hears two people whispering about him.

_I’ll take that as a success._

The teacher seems friendly, excitedly discussing what they’ll be covering through the semester. Keralis nudges him when the teacher mentions Sex Ed, making a face. Bdubs rolls his eyes and nudges him back, the two amusing themselves quietly.

Then the teacher is asking for questions. Keralis raises his hand and gets called on, Bdubs knowing what the question will be before he asks it. Unlike Bdubs, Keralis finds soulmates fun and exciting, and in the spirit of ‘Health,’ Keralis asks about them.

“Keralis. Are we going to be talking about soulmates at all?”

Someone else answers for the teacher, “Of course we will. Soulmates are a constant of life.”

_And mine hates me-_

A voice, German and sending chills down his spine, comments from the back, “Soulmates don’t matter.”

Bdubs feels the words on his forehead sting as his anxiety, self-hatred, everything… it suffocates him.

_I never imagined it’d hurt this much._

—

Doc watches as all heads turn towards him. Almost all at least, he notices a teen in the front not turning to look.

Etho stares at him with a look of, ‘What did you do.’

He simply rests his head on his palm, almost amused by the facial reactions of his fellow classmates.

Before anyone, even the teacher can respond, he hears a new voice, one deep and in a weird way, it reminds him of Markiplier.

“Soulmates are much more important, but I understand if you haven’t been taught enough to know that.”

His eyes move to gape at the voice, the teen in the front is still not turned, but he sits up tall. Some heads turn to him. He watches as the kid who had raised his hand, Keralis, whispers something to him.

The male wears a bright red headband, and he simply shakes his head in response to whatever Keralis said.

Doc raises an eyebrow, “Oh? Please, do tell me more. If soulmates are _so_ important, then explain it to me.”

Still not turning, the headband boy scoffs, “Soulmates are an entire element of society’s social order and structure. Not to mention, they apply to everyone. Certain people are considered of higher status when they have better soulmarks and people who don’t stay with their soulmate whether platonically or romantically are considered lower status because of it. If soulmates aren’t important, then why are they a heavy part of our daily lives and status?”

He snarls, narrowing his eyes.

_This kid is annoying._

“Because humans are selfish. They’re not important, they’re _common_. Something being well-known or common, doesn’t mean it’s a necessity of daily life. Our world would function just as well, if not better, without the inclusion of soulmates.”

The other is silent. He then chuckles.

“Humans are selfish…” He repeats. He turns around and Doc is taken aback by the hatred in the boy’s caramel eyes.

“Doesn’t that include you?”

The bell rings.

Ringing echoes through the classroom, slamming against the walls and tearing them apart. Doc stares at the headband boy, his eyes narrow, dark like the night, but colder than Antarctica.

The teacher nervously dismisses the class. Students stand up and scurry out of the class, unable to take the ever-growing tension burning between Doc and the headband boy.

Etho nudges his shoulder, “We should go.”

Doc blinks, turning away from the pained glare to look at his best friend.

Mismatched eyes stare in concern, “Doc.”

Said male nods and stands, the pair leaving the classroom. Before he goes, he takes one last glance at the headband boy. The male now has his head lowered as Keralis talks to him quietly.

_Did I do something…?_ _  
_ _  
_ _I can’t help but feel like he hates me._

—

Bdubs blinks rapidly, face scrunched up.

“C’mon we should get going. Want to go to my house?”

Keralis and him are the last two students in the classroom. The teacher sits at her desk across the classroom.

_I met my soulmate… I met them and they hate me. And we argued… and…_

“Bdubs!”

Said male blinks, “What?”

Keralis sighs, “Let’s get going.”

The pair stand up and leave the classroom. Keralis leads him down the halls, and they walk into the closest bathroom.

“Are you okay?”

Bdubs shakes his head, going over to the sink and splashing his face.

“That was _them_ , Keralis.” He whispers so quiet that Keralis has to lean closer to hear. “That was my soulmate.”

The other’s eyes widen and he doesn’t respond. Silent.

Gripping the edge of the sink, Bdubs listens for any movement. He doesn’t hear anything.

_No one else is in here right? School’s over so it’d be unlikely._

He bites his lip, refusing to cry. But every piece of him is shattering and cracking. His bones are clattering against each other as his body falls apart.

_I always knew it’d be bad… But this is…_

Keralis opens his mouth to say something, but Bdubs shakes his head.

The silence is better.

As much as he appreciates his best friend, Keralis just doesn’t understand it. He has a great friendship and bond with his soulmate. Bdubs was in the same room as his soulmate for less than an hour and the two argued.

Bdubs sits down on the ground in the bathroom, hugging his knees and shoving his face against them.

_Am I really so worthless that even my own soulmate doesn’t want me?_

Keralis frowns in concern, but then his phone starts to ring.

They both know who it is and Bdubs finds himself curling even tighter into a ball.

“I’ll be right back after answering this okay? It’ll be so fast you won’t even notice me gone.”

“Have fun.” Bdubs mutters.

With a sigh, Keralis steps out of the bathroom.

Tears build up in his eyes, but he blinks them away, refusing to be even more pathetic.

_It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t care this much about that guy’s opinion. I barely even know him._

He sits there, just wishing he could disappear.

And then he hears a creak from a stall.

_What was that?_

Looking up, he gulps. His eyes dart to the wall of stalls, looking for feet.

He doesn’t see any shoes, but he knows he heard something.

“Who’s there?”

There’s another creak.

Bdubs takes a deep breath, “I can hear you.”

Silence.

There’s another creak and then he sees a stall door open to reveal the German teen from before sitting on a closed toilet seat with his feet pulled up. He drops his feet and clears his throat awkwardly.

_Oh yay it’s my soulmate._

Moving his head to the side so the other can’t see the tears building up, he laughs dryly, “Hello there.”

“Hello.”

Neither speak for a very slow minute and a half.

_This is the worst start to a school year yet._

The taller male sighs, “Do you hate me?”

Bdubs freezes.

_He’s asking me? How ironic._

With another dry chuckle, Bdubs raises his hand to his face, scrubbing his watery eyes.

“What makes you ask that?”

The other frowns, “You acted like it in class.”

Bdubs almost smiles,

_I don’t hate you. But I have every right to._

_I don’t hate you. But I want to._

_I don’t hate you. But I’ve tried to._

_I can’t hate someone for something they didn’t purposefully do._

_Even if I want to._

He finally settles on, “I don’t hate ya.”

That spurs a relieved breath from the German male.

“Then why were you glaring at me? If it’s about what I said... You can like soulmates all you want. I just personally find them useless.”

_Way to rub salt in the wound._

Bdubs laughs sadly, “I’m aware.”

The other raises an eyebrow. He opens his mouth, about to question him probably. Or say something polite that is actually just a gut punch.

But he’d prefer none of that.

So he reaches up to his head and unties the knot at the back of his head. The bright red fabric is soft in his hands. He pulls it off his forehead and turns his head to the other teen.

“I’ve known your opinion on soulmates my entire life.”

—

Doc stares.

The words ‘Soulmates don’t matter’ is scrawled across his forehead.

_That’s what I-_

He swallows.

_He’s my soulmate?_

His eyes move to his arm, robotic and without any indication that the boy before him is his soulmate.

“I-”

The shorter teen raises his hands again, going to tie the headband back on.

_Wait-_

Doc jumps forward, grabbing the other’s wrists.

“Wait I haven’t fin-”

They both go silent.

His eyes widen as he watches the words on the teen’s forehead evaporate into thin air.

“They’re gone.”

The shorter male shakes his head, “No it’s not-”

Doc stands up, pulling the stranger up with him and moves his face to the mirror.

The other’s eyes widen.

“It’s gone… I-”  
  


_Wait… If his soulmark is gone then that means-_

“We’re actually soulmates.”

He watches as the headband boy blinks, “Well yes, I said so before...”

Doc, still holding the other’s wrists, steps closer, examining his soulmate.

_He’s a lot cuter than I would have expected._

Headband boy looks to the side awkwardly, “Look I get it, you don’t like the whole soulmates thing, can you back up now? Cause you’re like really close-”

He notices the way the other acts. The nervousness and frown. How he acted before, dry laughs and averted eyes.

_Wait..._

“Do you think _I_ hate you?”

That spurs the shorter male’s eyes to broaden, “Well I mean-” He closes his mouth, pulling his arms back, trying to break out of Doc’s grip.

_He thinks I hate him._

“But I don’t even know you? I don’t even know your name.” He raises an eyebrow.

Headband boy cracks an awkward smile, “Bdubs.”

Doc’s grip loosens and he drops the other’s hands, “What?”

The stranger glances at him, “Now you know my name.”

_Oh._

Bdubs squirms under Doc’s intense stare.

_Way cuter than expected._

“Doc.”

That makes the shorter male grin, “Nice to meet ya Doctor!”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Bdubs moves around Doc and picks up his headband from the ground, tying it around his head again.

Doc feels his heart rip apart when he realizes:  
  


_He wears a headband to cover his soulmark._

With the other’s back turned, Doc takes a stride forward and hugs Bdubs, leaning down and wrapping his arms around the male’s torso.

“I don’t hate you.”

Frozen in place, Bdubs reaches up and pats Doc’s prosthetic. “Ya can’t control what words appear on my forehead.”

He nods, resting his head on Bdubs’s head, “I know… but I only have such an issue with soulmates cause I lost my soulmark when I lost my arm.”

His hand stops patting and simply rubs his thumb over the metal surface, “I’m sorry you lost your arm.”

“I’m sorry that you got stuck with awful soulwords.”

Bdubs tilts his head up to look at Doc, “They’re gone now though.”

“Mhm.”

The two stay that way, looking at each other.

And then the door opens.

Doc steps back and Bdubs finishes tying his headband around his head.

Keralis enters the bathroom alongside Etho.

Etho looks at Doc, “There you are I was look-”

He stops.

Both he and Keralis look at Doc, then Bdubs. Their eyes move between the two.

“Did we miss something?”

Bdubs laughs, “Nope!” He grabs his bag and pats Keralis’s shoulder, “Let’s get going home. How was your call with X?”

Doc watches the two leave the bathroom.

Etho furrows his eyebrows, “Something definitely happened- Doc?”

Said male smiles to himself, running his human hand over where Bdubs’s hand was a moment ago.

“It was nothing.”


End file.
